So the Jerk is napping on the cage on the highest shelf in the garage. Sitting below is my shiny red Mustang convertible just waiting for the jerk to spaz out and fall on to the hood cage and all. Wonderful, that will be my fault too. I try talking to him a bit to reason with him but I guess he didn't like my attitude. I get a phone call and the caller identifies himself as "Dougie from Dougie's Raccoon Extermination". It is our shop foreman and our friend with some friendly advise regarding The Jerk. Shoot him. Well, I can't do that for 2 reasons. 1) I'm not a bad shot but I've never shot another living thing in my life. Not to say that if push came to shove I would grow a pair and shoot. 2) The Jerk is in the garage where a bullet can ricochet (yup looked that word up too). "Well here's what ya do" says Dougie. "Close up that there garage door and start up that Mustang and walk away for 30 minutes. That'll fix him!!" I ask Dougie if my husband knows what advise he just gave me and he says "Ya he's sitting right here." Great, I'm on speaker phone...lovely. I tell Dougie he is brilliant and hang up the phone. Out I stomp to the garage in my moose with a martini lounge pants and look The Jerk right in the eye, just like he did when he hissed at me and said "Ok you, you have until 8:00 am to get the heck outta here or else. Do you hear me you Jerk or else?"
So I decide to update my status on facebook and add a few pictures of my morning adventure when I hear a crash. I look at my watch and it's 7:45 am. Who says the animals don't understand what I'm saying to them? Oh yea, my husband that's who. I run to the garage door and sure enough The Jerk is off the shelf via the laundry basket that holds my gardening supplies. He's not sure how to get off my vehicle but he is moving fast for a raccoon because he knows the clock is ticking. The last I saw of him he was trying to figure out how to get out from under my vehicle and hopefully he is long gone. YIPPEE
Post script: I am giving Gracie fresh water and I notice the water in the dish is all dark and kinda thick...oh no...is that more poop? I take the bowl to the swamp dump it while holding my breath and sure enough more poop!!! Why in the world would he take a crap in the water dish? I know why...just to piss me off!! He knows exactly what he's doing. Hence the title of part 2 "Of course you know...the means war!!!
Guess what? Today is Sunday. Two days out from the latest raccoon "adventure". My husband just informed that little bastard aka The Jerk pooped on the windshield wipers of my Suburban! What is up with that?
Sorry for the picture quality but it shows The Jerk right after his free fall from the shelf in my basket!
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